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Introduction.
First I would like to state that in regards Sigma slot machines, no one seems to be archiving any informationon these. It really too bad as these are *great* slot machines forthe home. Excellent graphics and game play with good bonus games.And they are fairly inexpensive compared to Williams and IGT models,yet have all the same features (if not more).

Sigma uv1700 Video Slot Machines 1999-2005 cfh@provide.net. First I would like to state that in regards Sigma slot machines, no one seems to be archiving any information on these. It really too bad as these are.great. slot machines for the home. Excellent graphics and game play with good bonus games. On top of that, many people don’t seek help voluntarily until their substance abuse has become a real problem. A poker room’s online poker client.

Sigma was bought by Mikohn around 2003, and then was sold toMultimedia Gamingin 2005, where the UV1700 was shelved. So most Sigma uv1700 video slots were made between 1999 and 2003.Because of the Mikohn buy, the uv1700 history is a bit hard to track,hence this web page. Though most pinball people hate slotmachines, I find them interesting (especially given their reasonable price.)I mean compare a Sigma uv1700 video slot to the industry leader (at the time),the Williams 550 video slot. They are very similar, maybe the Sigma is evensuperior (better animation, easier to work on). But the Sigma is 1/4 the price of a Williams 550 slot machine.For 'bang per buck' the Sigma UV1700 is hard to beat.

The Sigma 1700 slots are generally pre-TITO machines (TITO is 'ticket in, ticket out'). Meaning they take coins and paper money, and have a hopper to payout coins. Unfortunately Sigma was the innovator of coin-less slots, and this showed upin the trail end Sigma uv1700 slot machines (TITO with ticket printer and no hopper). Generally speaking, most new slotsafter 2003 are TITO and don't handle coins, only paper money and tickets.So it makes sense that some of the newer Sigma 1700 models didn't have hoppers. The first coinless slot machines to be installed in a major casino was theSigma Derby horse racing machine. But to me TITO machines are not a good home slot machine, and is not really the type of slot I would want in my home gameroom.(Though do I really want to 'cash out' 800 credits in nickels at home?Heck no, but maybe it's just the idea that I could do that.)

Sigma Gaming Brief History.
Sigma Gaming was actually founded in Tokyo (Japan) back in 1984. They were the first non-U.S. slot makerto gain Nevada Gaming Commision certification. They did relocate to Las Vegas in 1996, but the Japanese touch remained. Sigma was known for technical innovations,and Sigma aggressively marketed their slot machines and poker machines. This spurred competition, and IGT (International Gaming Technologies)decided to take Sigma to court over copyrights.(Sound familiar? See the Williams slot history fordetails.) In 1989, IGT claimed the Japanese Sigma Gaming had been stealing patented game designs from IGT. This was eventually settled out of court.Sigma is one of only a few manufacturers to hold an unrestricted license to use the Telnaes technology (which IGT holds the patent) that allows for virtual reels and unlimited odds. (Spinning reel only, does not applyto video slots, see Williams slots for moreinfo on this.) The Telnaes technology enables Sigma to offer the ability to provide high-end payouts and progressive jackpots without limitations.

In 1990 Sigma came out with the first 'slot top' (sit down) slot machines.Though not a good home slot machine format due to size, these were very popular inthe casinos (and still are today). Players loved the comfort of sittingdown to play. In 1991 they were honored with the State of Nevada Governor's Industry Appreciation Award for its continued contribution to Nevada's growth. Again in 1996 Sigma received the award again.

Sigma was also the first company to embed a dollar bill validator into their slot machines, which made playing a Sigma slot one-stop shopping. To the casinos it was not about comfort, butto keep players at one machine for a longer period of time. There would be no breaks to go sit down, and no need to run to the cash machine. The ideas worked, and soon IGT was copying Sigma Games.Sigma wanted to build slot machines which were user-friendly. They made their slots easy to use and more comfortable to play, hoping this would lead to player loyalty.

Sigma also released the firstred, white & blue-themed game (Patriot), and a patented locking cashbox extractor. The cashbox extractor featured a design licensed to and utilized by two other leading slot machine manufacturers (Bally and Wms), and was offered by JCM.

Sigma Gaming made other slot play innovations too. Though they didn't invent it, early on they were part of the trend to increase the playusing big credit bonuses. If you payed the full price to play (all the creditsthe game would except for one spin, which in some cases was up to 50 credits), the bonus structure made it worth your while. This is standard nowadays.

Around 1999 Sigma jumped on the video slot machine bandwagon with theSigma uv1700 video slot. The video slot was a marketlargely developed by Williams (Wms), and one that Wms excelled. Sigma met andI would say surpassed Wms with the uv1700. Animation is more refined onthe Sigma, and the machines are far easier to repair.

As for repairs, Sigma slots were easier for casinos to repair (and us too, since these are now in our homes!)For example the UV1700 Sigma slot machines shown on this page arebased on 300 mHz Cyrix/Pentium PC computer hardware, using standard 168 pin 256meg SDRam DIMM pc100 or pc133memory sticks and CD ROM drives. But the PC board isa bit different than those seen in your home computer.Instead of a board with a zillion connectors, the Sigma 1700 slot uses a DPX-80 board from Densitron Technologies andGamingboads.com, using a single 'ConnectBus'connector. This board eliminates the need to plug and unplug different connectors for power, HDD, FDD, monitor, etc. That is, all power, I/O, and interface signals are routed to a single ConnectBus connector. This makes the board literially 'plug and play', allowing Casinosto easily swap a motherboard to fix a machine. Everything is on one board,so it's pretty painless. (Though a hardware 'clear' is still requiredthough to change a game.)

Unfortunately this all came to an end in 2005, as Sigma (called Mikohn since 2003) was bought by Progressive Gaming International (PGI). At that time PGI stoppedselling the Simga UV1700, andnothing further has come of the Sigma 1700 platform.

The guts of a Sigma 1700. Looks like a regular PC eh?
That's because it pretty much is a regular PC.

Sigma uv1700 and uv1900 (sit-down) Slot Machine Hardware.
The motherboard used in Sigma 1700 slots was a 'ConnectBus' Densitron Technologies DPX-80 board,with a single connector for all power and hardware. This allowed a techto replace a motherboard in about 10 seconds.The processor is a Cyrix MII-333GP (333mHz clock speed with a 83mHz bus 3.0x, 2.9 volts.)Memory includes two SIMM 72pin EDO sockets (not used) and one DIMM socket (SDRam 168 pin 256megpc-100 or pc-133, depending on how old the DPX-80 motherboard may be.)Interestingly many games can run with 64meg or 128meg of RAM (thoughKiss requires the full 384meg, Garfield runs at 288meg or above.)The Densitron Technologies DPX-80 board supports up to 450mHz clock speed using a socket-7 compliant processor.Design features include PCI accelerated Fast Ethernet LAN controller, PCI 64-bit accelerated LCD/CRT graphics controller with digital LVDS/PaneLink interface, PCI Ultra DMA/33 EIDE controller, expansion for PCI/ISA buses, analog video input port, touchscreen controller capable, DiskOnChip flash disk socket to 144 Mbytes, 16-bit stereo sound system, two USB, two parallel, four serial, MIDI, mouse, keyboard, and two floppy disk ports.

The Densitron Technologies DPX-80 as used in the Sigma 1700.
Shown is the board loaded with 256meg of DIMM pc133 RAM.

In 2002 Densitron Technologies introduced the DPX-91 motherboard, which is backwards compatible with their DPX-80 and DPX-81 ConnectBus motherboards.Though I've never seen this used in a Sigma uv1700 slot machine, there is a chance itmay work.

Sigma 1700 17' Touch Screen.
The really cool thing about the Sigma uv1700 is the 17' color touch screen.Great resolution and graphics, and a touch screen to boot. It's a nicefeature, especially given the price the Sigma 1700 sells at. The touchscreen is nicely implemented into the game play too (some games use itmore than others.)

The coin door opened on a Sigma 1700. A pretty tight design!

Sigma RAM.
All Sigma uv1700 games have a single DIMM ram socket,usually fitted with PC133 256meg 168 pin SDram. This is the maximumRAM size that will fit in this socket (though some older games may onlyhave a 128meg SDRam card.) I have found some uv1700 boardsthat want PC100 SDram, and won't boot with PC133 (or vice versa.) Either the game will lock up at boot (no power-on 'beep'), orit will beep on and off constantly (signifying a RAM issue.) Reseatingthe SDRam or replacing usually fixes this problem.Note that Garfield requires pc133 DIMM RAM withSerial Presence Detect (SPD) aka Low Density. This is denoted by a second notch cut into the ram on the sides (the second notch is abovethe stock notch seen on 'regular' RAM.)

There are also twoSIMM 72 pin EDO RAM sockets, which will hold 64meg each, andthat are not utilized. Only games I am aware of which require more than 256meg of RAM isKiss and Garfield. These games require the DIMM 256meg SDramplus the two SIMM sockets to have 64meg each, for a totalof 384meg (actually Garfield will run at 320meg, but Kiss requiresthe full 384meg.) Also some brands of PC133 DIMM memory won'taddress the additional SIMM sockets - The DIMM memory must haveSerial Presence Detect (SPD). So in the case of Garfield and Kissyou must have the 'right' 256meg DIMM SDram memory with SPD, in addition to the twoEDO 64meg 72 pin SIMM memories.

Finally you can run most Sigma games with just the two EDO SIMM memories installed (128meg), andno DIMM memory. So if you can't get a board to boot right with the DIMM SDram,sometimes trying the SIMM memory can get a board working.

Sigma uv1700 board with both DIMM and SIMM memory installed for Kiss/Garfield.

Sigma 1700 Parts and Repair.
Of all the slot machines I've worked on (and I've worked ona bunch!), the Sigma 1700 is probably the easiest to repair.It's more like a PC computer than a slot machine. There'sjust one board (the 'motherboard'), which is basically a PCmotherboard. I've yet to need to repair a power supply.The mother board uses PC-100 or PC-133 stick 256meg memory (available at the localcomputer store), and a standard CD or DVD drive to read the CDs.The CDs themselves are copyable with say Nero, which means backupsare a breeze (and I do suggest you keep a backup around.)Memory is kept intact with two standard drug store coin batteries(CR4025).

The only thing I don't like about this platform is thetime it takes for the game to boot. Because it's a PC based system,it goes through a memory test at power up (which can be abortedif a keyboard is attached), and the time it takes to check the CD rom.The game reads the entire CD rom and does a checksum against the valuestored in the motherboard's PLCC u52 game chip. If these don't match the gameaborts. This was done so someone doesn't 'hack' the CD rom (easy to do!),changing the game code. So total boot time is probablya minute or three, where most other slot machines boot in 10-20 seconds.

Coin and Dollar Bill Validators.
The coin hardware (if the Sigma has it, not all do) can utilizestwo different coin entry systems.An IDX coin comparitor (programmed for the appropriate coin) canbe used, assuming it has the correct 'personality plug'. Also aMicro Comparitor MC-40 (cmi# 66460089) can also be used (12vdc,InHhi,PR7).In either case both of these systems have the coin-in optics built intothe comparitor.

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Micro Comparitor label showing the proper part number.
This is important as there are many different models of Micro Comparitors.

The bill valiator used is JCM's WBA-13 model, which is a reallynice dollar bill acceptor system. If using version 3.75 of the software(it has a 4meg 274001 EPROM built into the WBA transport), it willaccept all colored U.S. money with no problems. Note the head is thesame on a WBA12 and WBA13, but the transport is different.

Sigma 1700 Game Software.
Software (game changes) for a Sigma uv1700 is pretty easy too. There is a single smallPLCC (square) 32 pin 4meg game EPROM chip on the DPX-80 board at U52. And this chip must have a matching game CD ROM. A Dallas 'All Clear' chip is run first at U51 (replacing theboard's 'boot' chip), clearing the memory.Then the boot chip (u51) is replaced, and with the newPLCC game chip (U52) and game CD ROM are installed, the game should run.Upon bootup, the CD ROM is fully read and its checksum compared to the checksumstore on the PLCC game chip (u52). If the checksums don't match, the game gives an error and does not proceed.

Interestingly the 4meg PLCC game chip is pretty much blank.It only contains the checksum of its matching game CD ROM, and some general game parameters (like whether it's a nickel or quarter game, etc.) About 200 bytes of actual info is on the game PLCC U52 chip, and the rest of the chip is blank with '00' stored at each byte. So the PLCC chip onthe motherboard is really only used to verify the CD ROM (which is whereall the game software resides.) Because state regulators don't want tomake game swaps too easy for casinos, the PLCC chip's stored checksumis used so no one can put a 'hacked' CD ROM in the Sigma.

The PLCC chips (Bios, BdBoot, Game chip) and the two coin batteries.
The socketed 'Disk on Chip' provides a solidstate disc work area for the operating system.

Sigma 1700 Progressive Slots.
Sigma made a couple games that were progressive only. That is,they won't run standalone without a networked computer behind them.This is unfortunate as the two progressive games (Lava and Easy Riches)look like good games. (I can load the games and add credits, but theywon't spin because of the lack of a progressive network to support them.)If anyone knows how to get around this, please contact me.

What's the 'Best' Sigma 1700 Game?
I get asked a lot, 'I want a Sigma slot machine, but which is the best onefor my home?' That's a hard question to answer, as it's like asking, 'which flavorof ice cream do you like the best?' Actually I like all the Sigma 1700 games,but Battleship is my favorite.

Sigma Boot Codes.
There's a two digit LED on the corner of the CPU board.I don't have the error code definitions, but I have managedto write down what a proper uv1700 does upon bootup:

• c1 c6 c3 - real fast upon initial power on.
• 06 0d 0e 31 - then game beeps that familar PC boot sound.
• 31 - stays at this until memory test completes.
• 3d 6f 42 4e
• 52 60 62 ff - boot up complete, game should be running, stays at FF.

Sigma Power-On Constant Beeps.
A common boot up error at power on is constant beeping from the speaker,and a C6 error on the LED. This happens when the SDRAM memory stick is bad. Sometimes a simple power off, reseat the memory stick, and power back on will fix this problem. But other times a new memory stick will be required (168 pin 256meg SDRam DIMM pc100 or pc133.) Look at the existing memory stick and see if it is pc100 or pc133 (it should be labeled), and get the correct variety. Using a pc100 memory stick in a board made for pc133 won't work. If the memory stick is unlabeled, best guess is to go with pc133 (which is the most common.)(Yes there are several different versions of the mother board, and the earlierversions use pc100.)

Sigma Game Numbers, Titles, Pictures.
Below is a list of all the Sigma uv1700 video slot machines I have found.The game numbers are important, as the game number on the u52 motherboardchip must match the game number on the CDrom. Note I have some u52 chipsbut no matching CDrom. If you have a cdrom for any of the game numbersI am missing, I would really appreciate hearing from you.

Here's a list of games I know are out there, but have not seen:

• Clue
• Trivial Pursuit (seems to require a network)
• Working Overtime
• Ten Hand Stud Poker
• Flying Aces
• Gold Island

You sense it first: the hint of salt in the air, the widening, flattening of the horizon, the glimpse of marshland. You know it's just east of where you are, two hours and 125 miles south and east of New York City. But as the expressway turns and the welcome signs appear, you do not see the expanse of a magnificent ocean; no, you see a dozen high-rise buildings that block the water's view: Trump Taj Mahal, Bally's, Caesars, Harrah's, while your approach is lined with billboards of near-pornographic promise ('Loosest Slots!').

It is fitting that our first look at Atlantic City is not of the ocean that was once its central attraction, but of the hotel-casinos that have been dominating the city's landscape and economy for the last quarter century.

For my wife and I have come here not to gaze in wonder at the Atlantic, nor to sample the simple pleasures of the Boardwalk, whose charm survives even in the face of Burt Lancaster's comment in the film Atlantic City: 'You should have seen it in the old days.'

No, Dena and I are here...on a mission.

A really, really stupid mission. Like the Gallant 600 in Tennyson's 'Charge of the Light Brigade,' we have chosen to ride into the Valley of Financial Death. We are risking all—or to be more precise, all that this fine publication has agreed to pay me—by challenging the iron laws of mathematics and a century of experience of millions of gamblers.

We are going to see whether we can make money at the single least gambler-friendly form of wagering known to man: the slots.

Now it's not as if I don't know that I am embarking on a foolhardy mission. In talking with renowned mathematician John Alan Paulos about my plan, he says, 'It's a very dumb thing to do. In fact, I think it's dumber than playing the lottery—but at least the lottery has the psychic payoff of allowing you to daydream for a week, imagining who you're gonna tell off.'

I don't need a mathematician's mind to tell me how dumb Paulos thinks this is, because he rewards me with Voltaire's observation that 'the lottery is a tax on stupidity.'

Dumber than stupidity...hmmm.

Joe Winert, a journalist who covers the gaming industry, gives me some perspective. He says the once lowly slot machine was offered in casinos in bygone days primarily to occupy the spouse or very special friend of a high-rolling craps shooter or blackjack player. Now it accounts for 75 percent of casino revenue—and that's 75 percent of the nearly $5 billion that gamblers left in Atlantic City hotels in the last fiscal year. (Nationally, according to The New York Times Magazine, casinos took in some $30 billion from slots.)

So what the hell am I doing?

For one thing, I don't know how to do anything else. When I find myself in a casino—almost always when I'm in Las Vegas to give a speech or cover a large media convention—I gravitate to the slots out of fear or ignorance. I can't remember the rules for craps; the cards at blackjack are dealt so quickly that I break out in a cold sweat after three or four minutes; and I am about as able to maintain a poker face at poker as Pittsburgh Steelers coach Bill Cowher is at keeping calm when a Steelers touchdown is nullified by a holding call.

Moreover, I am the victim of the worst thing that can happen to a clueless, very occasional gambler: I once won big.

As steel-trap-minded Cigar Aficionado readers may remember, the first time I traveled with my wife-to-be Dena—to Vegas, for speechifying—we walked into the New York, New York casino, put two quarters into a slot machine, and won $1,600. This not only convinced me that I had indeed met my soul mate; it also imbued us with a kind of arrogance: 'Odds? We don't care about no stinking odds. We're winners!' And over the years we have done a little better than even, according to our own, highly suspect calculations. (Once Dena hit a $250 win on a quarter 'Wheel of Fortune'; less than a minute later, at an adjoining slot, so did I. Such memories are the stuff of which foreclosures are made.)

So when the memory of a decades-old New York magazine piece began to stir in my memory, it fired the blood. That writer had taken his fee and agreed to invest it in a range of lottery tickets: pocketing the profits and absorbing the losses. (If memory serves, he lost.)

My proposal was similar: Cigar Aficionado would front the $2,500 fee: I agreed to risk it all on the slots, ranging from quarter machines to the $25 slots (Venturing into Bill Bennett territory would make no sense; the $500 level could wipe out the stake in less than five seconds.) How did I define 'risk'? The way my wife does: put in a bill, and if you win enough before the bill runs out—more or less double your investment—you cash out that bill and put in another. Whatever I lost was my loss; anything I won over the original fee would be split 50-50 between me and charity.

Before our journey, we armed ourselves with all sorts of information, reliable and otherwise. We went online to get the slot percentages for every level of machine at every casino in Atlantic City. For example, the Sands pays out 93.1 percent on its quarter slot, while the Taj Mahal pays out 89.5 percent. Caesars pays out 99.9 percent on its $25 slots, while Resorts pays out 94.8 percent). We bought a quartet of books that offer advice on beating the slots: if a machine doesn't pay out after six pulls—or 10 pulls—move on. Don't play slots near the table games, because those players don't like the distracting bells and whistles. Play in the early morning, after the losers have filled up machines during the night.

('It doesn't make any difference,' John Alan Paulos patiently explained to me. 'Every spin is independent of every other spin. It's unlike, say, blackjack.') And we learned of the special appeal of 'cherry dribblers,' those machines that seem to provide no end of chances to win, with extra spins and bonus wheels, with huge payoffs that always seem to elude the player by just this much, but which, of course, are programmed by a Random Number Generator to create just that illusion. These, of course, are the games we're most attracted to.

And so, on an overcast afternoon, we pull into the parking garage at Caesars, walk through the faux-marble entrance, check into our room on the XXXIVth floor, and walk into 131,000 square feet of instant riches a fingertip away. Rows of slot machines greet us—3,100 by the casino's count. Most make the simple three-reel device invented by Charles Fey in the late 1890s seem like a diversion from caveman days. 'Wheel of Fortune'—the billion-dollar-a year breakthrough game that fused America's lust for gambling with its obsession with television—has now been joined by 'The Price Is Right,' 'Jeopardy' and other games featuring the images and voices of long-dead media stars from Lucille Ball to Elvis. There are penny slots, nickel slots and every other conceivable denomination; off to the left are the high-limit slots, set off from more plebian ventures by a red velvet rope.

Later for that; we're starting modestly, with quarters. At 3:30 p.m., I insert my first $20 bill into a 'Wheel of Fortune.' Six minutes later, after playing three-credit spins that produce only two 'wins' (a single cherry, giving back two credits, thus equaling a loss of 25 cents for each 'win'), and without the blessing of a single 'Spin,' the $20 is gone. Dena, meanwhile, is playing 'Bonus Frenzy,' a three-reel game replete with fiery '7's. She hits a '100' pay icon; a few minutes later, she cashes out with a $10 profit on her first twenty. So we're down $10; no problem, we'll make this up in volume.

I take note of the woman sitting next to me, who is blissfully unaware of the workings of the Random Number Generator. She wins a 'Spin' on 'Wheel of Fortune,' and the wheel gives her a paltry 30-credit payout—just one click away from a 1,000-credit ($250) win.

'Oh, just missed!' she moans, and immediately switches from pushing the 'spin' button to pulling down the lever, as if this will coax the machine to providing that big payoff she just missed. Foolish woman; she obviously lacks my fine appreciation of these games, which has enabled me to lose with a full understanding of the probabilities.

And indeed, at precisely 4:02, three fiery 7's align themselves on the pay line: 100 credits, twenty-five dollars! Look out, Jaguar dealers, I'm heading your way! At the strong suggestion of my wife, I cash out with $35. So far, we're down $40 after a half hour of play, but I am increasingly sure that it is only a matter of time now.

And it is; two minutes later, I'm down another $25. OK, it's time for a change of strategy: we're moving to the one slot game where a small degree of skill is required: video poker. Here, knowing what cards to hold actually makes a difference. (You know: if you're dealt five spades, keep them). And here, the difference in our fortune is palpable: it takes 15 minutes to lose another $30.

As I mull over the possibilities, I notice that I am behaving exactly the way the makers of these games want me to. For instance, I am gravitating to machines based almost solely on the highest—and rarest—payout lines. This 'Double Diamond' pays 4,000 coins if you line up three Double Diamond symbols. This one pays 8,000 coins. Both Dena and I are drawn to the games that provide 'Action'—hit the right combination on 'On the Money' and the reels go crazy, spinning again, and again, and again, all to the accompaniment of the bizarre sounds of a machine going crazy. The result may be—and usually is—only four or five dollars, but by God, you've done something, you've cracked the machine.

'The slot machine is brilliantly designed from a behavioral psychology context,' psychiatry professor Nancy Petry told The New York Times. 'The people who are making these machines are using all the behavioral techniques to increase the probability that the behavior of gambling will reoccur.'

Of course, as a highly trained journalist impervious to such irrational forces, I now reach a flawlessly rational decision: since I have lost at the quarter level, it's time to move up. Step aside, Michael Jordan; I'm heading to the fifty-cent 'Wheel of Fortune' with a hundred-dollar bill.

The change is remarkable: in two minutes, I am down $50. Three minutes later, I'm down to my last dollar, which of course I cash out; God forbid I win a 'Spin' on the bonus wheel that I can't play because I've only played one credit instead of three. Clearly another change of strategy is in order: over we go to the dollar slots. Dena bravely agrees to risk $60 on the dollar 'Double Diamond' (this is the woman who, on our honeymoon, called a halt to our stopover at the Chumash casino outside of Santa Barbara, California, when we were $12.50 ahead). I'm at the dollar 'Wheel of Fortune.' She wins $60 quickly and cashes out; I lose the hundred almost as quickly.

I am beginning to feel like Carmine Sabatini, the Marlon Brando character in The Freshman, who says to his stockbroker: 'The last stock you sold me went down; I don't like it when my stocks go down.' It's one thing when you wander into a casino with a budgeted amount to lose; it's no different from taking your kid to a video arcade, where you're buying fun, a break from the work that has brought you there. But now, this is the work. I've agreed to put every penny of my wages for this enterprise on the line, and I don't care very much right now that the Atlantic City payout rate for slots is over 90 percent. If this luck keeps up when I move to the high-limit slots tomorrow, I am looking at one simple possibility: by the time we leave tomorrow, we will slouch out of Atlantic City with next to nothing, leaving only the sure and certain prospect of public ridicule.

My dark thoughts are interrupted by Dena's frantic beckoning. Back at the 'Bonus Frenzy' quarter slots, a 'Ten Times' hit has given her 500 credits; along with what was left of her original $20, she cashes out with $135. The euphoria lasts just long enough to watch a succession of $20 bills disappear into 'Triple Stars.' With that, we pack it in for the afternoon, with a loss of some $350.

And this was just the warm-up.

Like an accused criminal overwhelmed by bad news, we decide a change of venue might do the trick; so we cab over to Borgata, the newest joint in town. It's a sleek two-year-old billion-dollar, 43-story, 2,002-room building for 30-somethings who wait on a line half the length of a football field for the chance to play in Mixx, a nightclub where a skybox view of the dance floor tents out for $1,000 a night, and where a bottle of premium vodka can fetch $300. As with every casino-hotel, there is virtually no way to navigate the place without passing rows of slots, complete with footrests no less; so we leave with $200 less than we came in with.

Our last stop of the night is Bally's, where we find the 'Megabucks' game with its giant progressive jackpot, standing now at about $6.2 million. And it's a nickel slot! Well, not exactly! To win the progressive jackpot, with odds of some 45 million to one, you have to play 60 credits—in other words, the same $3 you had to play when it was a dollar slot. You win on just about every spin; it's just that you generally win fewer than 60 credits, which explains what happens to my $100 bill in little more than 20 minutes. We retire for the night some $700 down; the prospect of tomorrow's encounter with the high-limit slots leaves me with the same dread I felt in high school on all those Sunday nights on the eve of a physics exam.

t's 9 a.m. when we venture back down to Caesars' massive casino; the huge floor is largely deserted, and when I make my way over to the high-limit area—after dropping another $100 along the way—the only other people there are a cleaning woman and a casino employee tending to the $500-a-pop machine. I ease my way past the velvet rope—hey, serious player here!—and cautiously approach the $5 machines. I feed in the first $100 bill—only 20 credits?—and I hear a faint whirring sound. It's not one of the slots—it's my grandmother spinning in her grave.

After four spins, I'm up $5. I wimp out and cash it in. (Well, I did risk it, didn't I?) I move to the next machine. After three spins, I'm up $5 again. I wimp out again. Come on—this isn't what you agreed to do. I find the $5 'Wheel of Fortune,' where a two-credit play gives you a chance at a bonus spin. All right, if I'm going down, I'm going down with the king of the filler slots.

Six $10 spins bring me nothing. Then, magically, the 'Spin' wheel appears, and the machine chants: 'Wheel!—Of!—Fortune!' It looks as if this wheel pays off generously; I see no wedge smaller than $100. Round goes the wheel—and stops at $750. With what's left, I cash out at $790.

Aha! It was just a matter of time. As I swagger over to the $25 machines, I see what's coming clearly: the ringing of bells, the wail of sirens as I hit the Big One, the long wait for the casino employee to rush over with a tax form; will I take the tens of thousands in cash or a check? (Check, certainly; otherwise some crook will call ahead to his compatriots, and Dena and I will be hijacked before we ever hit the Garden State Parkway). Which charities will receive the half of this booty—and did I really promise half?

It takes less than two minutes for these thoughts to flash through my head—which is longer than it takes to lose $300 at $25 a shot.

Still, between that one big hit, and a $200 spin at a dollar 'Wheel of Fortune,' we wrap up our adventure with $1,720 left of our original $2,500 stash. If the fantasy of sudden, unearned cash did not come true, neither did the possibility of working for an hourly wage that would have sent Caesar Chavez rushing to sign me up. And with experience comes an important Life Lesson, one that all of us, particularly those who came of age at a certain time in America, would do well to remember: we are not exempt.

We may have been part of a Youth Revolution, but our hairlines are receding and our waistlines are expanding, just like everyone else's. Our music seems just as dumb and creaky to your kids as Bing Crosby's croonings did to us. If we eat cheeseburgers and fries and chocolate doughnuts, we will get just as fat as everyone else.

And if we gamble at machines that are computer-programmed to relieve us of our money over time, then we will lose money. It matters not how much more vivid the memory of a long-ago win is than the slow, steady losses.

We have paid our tax on stupidity. And we're outta here. (But you know, on that last $25 spin, I was so close...)

Jeff Greenfield is the senior political correspondent for CNN.

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